Archive for the ‘love’ Category

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Tonight I’ll Dream of You

March 18, 2008

This song, Beautiful, has been in my mind since early this evening. The past few days have been difficult to get through… between being stressed about school related things and relationship up & downs, I’m not sure how I continue to manage to make it through. But I do because of the people in my life who are there for me, from my boyfriend to my close friends, they help me through it all. I’ll write more over break, but I needed to just put some thoughts down before I attempt to sleep. Beautiful is a song by Aztek Trip which reminds me of my feelings for my boyfriend and right now those feelings are getting me through a lot of things (which I might go into at a later time) I have so much faith right now and I believe that everything will work out in it’s own time… this gives me peace. Yes, I may worry from time to time, but it’s because I care so much. Someone helped me realize today that there are little things that cloud over the bigger/deeper picture – that things are really going great and my life right now isn’t as troubled as I sometimes think it is. All these little things which seem to put up walls and cause issues are in fact bringing us closer together, I trust this is true. So, tonight, and every night, I’ll dream of you.

~ JenJen ~

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Life Update!

February 14, 2008

It’s been a while since I last posted anything, let alone about my present day life. A lot has changed in the past few weeks, but life in general is good and getting better every day. The first week back proved to be mind opening and made me realize I wasn’t lying to myself for the past few months in regards to my feelings. I found out at the end of the week that all my stress and emotional pain wasn’t for nothing. I gave someone a second chance and its the best thing I’ve done in my life in a while. The past three weeks have been absolutely amazing. Sure, there have been the downsides, like last weekend; but we’ve been able to work through the issues all while maintaining the connection that we had at the beginning that brought us so close together. I’ve been so happy lately and everything is just so natural and comfortable… This weekend, tomorrow, I’m going to his house for the weekend to meet his family. I’m more excited than nervous and feel like it will be a good time. Plus I get to see a tiny school and some crazy pictures of him! :-) What can be better than embarrassing pictures? Finally I’ll be able to put faces to names and buildings to stories – that is something I’m excited about.

Well, here’s to hoping for a good weekend… and maybe even a Nova win?!

Oh yeah, the semester is going well, just a few more weeks until mid-terms… and then spring break! I miss my dogs… and my mom… I can’t wait to go home for a week and spend time with them! Look for an interesting post about ‘time’ in the next few weeks!

~ JenJen ~

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2 Centuries Gone, a Lifetime to Live

December 3, 2007

As I begin this, there are 50 minutes left to my Birthday! I can honestly say that it was one of the best birthdays I’ve had, even with the crappy moods, lack of good sleep, crazy homework and sickness that has seemed to plague me on my actual birthday. 20 years of life have now been lived, that’s a lot. A lot of things have happened in those 20 years, let alone the past week. Yet, somehow, with all of the obstacles I’ve had to overcome to get to this point, I’m here. I don’t physically feel older, but emotionally I feel older than I did a year ago. I can’t really explain why, but I know that a year ago I would not have been able to handle the many different situations I’ve dealt with this semester. From a personality clash with a friend to struggling with the concept of love to taking risks with friends; I’m starting to discover who I really am and that people like me for just that. I’m turning over a new page; no more pretending, talking through my feelings with the people who can help me, working towards possibly repairing a broken relationship with my dad, finding a place and way to think for myself, and much more. The hardest thing for me right now is to gather all of the thoughts and feelings in my head and form coherent sentences which can be spoken to other people. The weird thing is that I’ve had a strange feeling to want to express how I feel and to talk about the things on my mind… this has never been the case before. There is a lot of things that’d I like to talk about here… but like I just said, words don’t flow very well at the moment. So for now, I’ll leave with a song which has stuck with me through the day today… Thank you to everyone who made my birthday special… you know who you are and I have no way of thanking you enough.

Carry this picture for luck
kept in a locket, tucked in your collar
close to your chest.
Make it a secret
shown to the closest friends.
Meet me at quarter to seven,
the sun will still shine then
at this time of year.
We’ll head to the inlet
and we’ll share a bottle there.

And color the coast with your smile,
it’s the most genuine thing
that i’ve ever seen.
I was so lost,
but now I believe.

And follow me south of the big docks
where they tether the boats
the rich men revere.
They’re so important,
they hire our fathers to steer
And down to the edge of the water
where we’ll spill our guts
and we’ll name our fears,
I’ll give you this picture
keep it and don’t be scared.

And color the coast with your smile,
its the most genuine thing
that ive ever seen.
I was so lost,
but now i believe
in the coast,
your smile is the most genuine thing
that ive ever seen
I was so lost
but now i believe.
Now I believe.
Now I believe.
Now I believe.

~ JenJen ~

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Such is Life

October 11, 2007

A lot has happened recently and will happen soon. Starting with the future – I’m leaving for Puerto Rico in less than 48 hours! :) I’m really looking forward to the break. It’s not really a break from life, I’ll still be surrounded by the people who cause all the stress in my life, but I think the environment change and in person interactions will change my mood drastically. Not to mention, the trip is going to be amazing. We’re staying in Ponce for a few days and San Juan for the rest. Days on the beach, hikes through the rain forests and caves… can’t wait. I’ll post a lot about it after we get back.

Anyways, back to what’s been happening in my life. The guy thing is sort of figuring itself out. I finally got the courage to talk, haha, well sort of talk, with him earlier this week. He already knew how I felt, but it helped to get things out in the open for me. I know where he stands, friends, which I already knew. And honestly, that is all I want. He is my best friend. The one who I can tell any secret to and it will remain a secret. Usually I can talk to him anytime and he’ll listen. The problem is that I care about him more than I should. I don’t think I’ll be able to stop caring about him, but I need to be able to accept him as my friend and find someone else. It’s just a shitty situation to be in, I want to see him happy, and I want to be happy. blah. Such is life. I really want to move on and find someone new, which is what I really need. But it’s so difficult to open up to someone else when your heart is somewhere else…

Quote of the week -  “Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.”

Until I return to the mainland…

~ JenJen ~

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Protected: Falling Into a Trap

August 20, 2007

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Protected: Lost, Looking for the Life Saver

July 10, 2007

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Too Many Lives Have Been Cut Short

June 28, 2007

By now, my entire town and city, and most of the country, have heard the horrible, tragic news. Five young ladies, recent graduates of Fairport High School Class of 2007, died last night, July 26th, in a terrible car accident. Personally, I didn’t know any of the beautiful girls, but I’ve heard their names before throughout the school. They were in the class below me, I graduated last year, but these girls were so outgoing and loved by so many at school and throughout the community.

For Fairport High School, they have now lost 7 students this year alone. Two members of the Class of 2008 died earlier in the school year, a drowning in the fall and another lost a short battle of cancer this spring, now the recent grads of FHS have lost 5 wonderful girls. It’s just so hard to believe that this has happened. I woke up and heard the news from my brother and ran to the tv and computer to find out who the girls were – I know quite a few kids from this class. Thankfully, no one that I knew personally was involved, but I just am in shock. It’s just unimaginable. I can’t even fathom how Fairport is surviving through all of this tragedy. The girls and 4 others who were following in the car behind them were heading to a lake house for a few nights and one last time to all hang out before they went off to college. Now only four of the nine will get to enjoy the wonderful college experience that I just experienced myself this past fall. I just am speechless.

Times like this remind everyone of how quick life can be taken away from you. Just like I said when Natalie (My friend Aaron’s sister who lost a very short battle to cancer in March) passed away, tell those that you love that you love them , every chance that you get. I didn’t know these girls, but their deaths are a tragedy to me and everyone in our community. I got a call from work today asking if I could come in and fill in for someone who knew the girls. I went in for a few hours, I was expecting it to be dead, it’s blockbuster, who is going to rent a movie when the entire town is mourning this tragic loss? Surprisingly, there were quite a few people there, when I was talking with my mom when I got home, she said most likely renting movies was a distraction for some who just needed to think about something else. That made so much sense, but was really sad to think about at the same time. While I was working, one of my former teacher’s wife came in and we were talking a little bit, they were attending the candle light vigil tonight because Mr. Mallaber always made a point to get to know every student he had and he had a few of the girls in his Leadership class which was the best class I had ever taken in high school. Another teacher of mine also came in, Mr. Benz, and we chatted for a little bit, he didn’t have the girls in his classes but he was also attending the vigil. Just goes to show anyone how close the Fairport community is.

God bless all of the girls’ families and friends and everyone in the Fairport community who knew them. May you girls rest in peace, smile down on everyone, join your fellow Fairport High School students who have left us this year and share in each other’s pain and joys up in Heaven. I’m sorry that you girls have lost your life, you were too young, you all had so much more life to live.

RIP 6/26/07 ~ Hannah, Katie, Sara, Bailey, Meredith ~

I’ve been having some issues with my friends lately and I just want all of my friends to know how much I love them and care about them.

<3

~ JenJen ~

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Protected: Hopefully All I Needed

June 25, 2007

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Protected: Words Left Unspoken

June 7, 2007

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Protected: no title seems good enough.

June 3, 2007

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