Tonight I’ll Dream of You

This song, Beautiful, has been in my mind since early this evening. The past few days have been difficult to get through… between being stressed about school related things and relationship up & downs, I’m not sure how I continue to manage to make it through. But I do because of the people in my life who are there for me, from my boyfriend to my close friends, they help me through it all. I’ll write more over break, but I needed to just put some thoughts down before I attempt to sleep. Beautiful is a song by Aztek Trip which reminds me of my feelings for my boyfriend and right now those feelings are getting me through a lot of things (which I might go into at a later time) I have so much faith right now and I believe that everything will work out in it’s own time… this gives me peace. Yes, I may worry from time to time, but it’s because I care so much. Someone helped me realize today that there are little things that cloud over the bigger/deeper picture – that things are really going great and my life right now isn’t as troubled as I sometimes think it is. All these little things which seem to put up walls and cause issues are in fact bringing us closer together, I trust this is true. So, tonight, and every night, I’ll dream of you.

~ JenJen ~

Hate me, I’m the one you need

I’ve been posting a lot lately… I guess a lot has been on my mind. Some stuff I still haven’t been able to write down here or even express to anyone. I guess it would be helpful if I could figure out for myself what I’m feeling, instead of expecting others to guide me through my thoughts.

<sickness rant coming up>

I am really cautious of complaining about being sick, ever since my one friend put things into perspective for me, but right now, I am seriously sick of this. I haven’t been feeling great since I returned home. I had an asthma attack last Sunday, allergy induced, and it was one of the scariest things ever. I couldn’t breathe. Anyways, lately my allergies have been worse than I’ve ever had them before, I’ve been really tired, and have had the worst headaches ever. Today I slept off a headache during a 2 hour nap from 3:30 to 5:30… which is now causing me to be awake probably until 2ish… which is bad considering I have to be awake at 7:30 to drive my mom to work so that I can have the car to run errands/search for a job. The headache is back though, so maybe I’ll go to bed soon in hopes of sleeping that one off as well. ugh.

<end sickness rant>

In other news… my friends here at home think that I think I am too cool to hang out with them now… they just don’t get it. I want to just to explain it to them, but I don’t know how to explain everything. Only one friend truly understands me, her and I are like emotionally the same, understanding things the other goes through. I’m glad that even though she is staying at school this summer, she is only 20min. away and I’ll be hanging out with her a lot!I was looking at some pictures my friends from school posted online from senior week, I realized just how much I miss them. These three months are going to be really long and I wish they would go by faster. Hopefully I’ll get a job soon and that will help pass time. I’m also excited for my summer sisterhood with the girls. We decided that in order for us to keep in touch with each other, we’d write a letter each week to another girl and send a picture or movie stub or anything along with it, and then during band camp we’ll put everything together into a scrap book so all of us can read the letters. So, since there are 5 of us, each week I’ll receive a letter from a different girl, 3 from each girl throughout the summer. I think I’ll actually go write my first letter after I finish this post!

The only other thing of which I wish to discuss tonight, would be that of music. Since being home I’ve taken a small step away from listening to music, but am slowly getting back into my habits of listening nonstop. There is something about songs, the ones that I really like, and listen to over and over; they make me feel something that nothing else can. Sometimes they remind me of a person in my life, of a thought that I had, a dream of mine, a secret I keep inside my heart, or of a situation I had been in. Listening to them remind me that there is a life I have to live; I can’t dwell on the past or on the future, only on today. Sometimes the songs remind me of a sad part of my life, but regardless, I leave my listening of music a happy person, excited to live and excited to see what life has for me. For an example, I’m a band geek, guilty as charged… and currently I’m listening to cadences  (thanks TB) they bring me back to school, to all my band friends, to all of the fun I’ve had this first year in college, being crazy with my friends. But specifically, these cadences bring me back to those long Friday nights and Saturday afternoons, playing at the football games (so what if our football team sucks?)… us girls all had our seats on the benches… same spots for every game… us crazy band kids having our weird traditions to go along with the drumline’s songs/cadences… ridiculous half time shows… crazy drum majors… I hate football, but I love wasting away the days with my friends and with band. These people, this organization, is what has made my first year of college so amazing. Without them, I don’t know where I’d be after my first year of college. Wow, haha, I did not mean to go into this much of an explanation, guess it just shows how much music is a part of my life and how much songs/cadences really mean something to me.

Alright, off to write my first sisterhood letter of the summer!

~ JenJen ~